Somebody said end of the world. Today. Bless them. But I was afraid, a little. It was good that Nickless came to me yesterday. I didn't want to be alone. And we had a nice evening. Very nice and Nickless is nice too. We played a 'go' and a guitar, watched film. And I sow that he want to hug me and kiss me. But it doesn't matter cause I didn't want. I don't feel nothing to him. And now? I'm lying alone in my bed and watching the movie. Nothing intresting.
Ohhh Pierre... get drunk and watch film in my bed, now... Pity that we don't talk again. Ohh nvm. I still say that.

I have not the strength to translate it. I'm not thinking.

Umieram, dosłownie. Wreszcie się zawzięłam, żeby zacząć kurs na ratownika WOPR i co? trochę za późno bo zmieniły się ustawy. Ale ukończę go mimo to.W każdym bądź razie rano poszłam na spotkanie dotyczące owych zmian w ustawach, następnie na basen. Rozgrzewka trwała 15 minut, nie wytrzymałam nawet do jej końca. Chciałam wyjść z wody ale Ten Słodki kazał mi dalej pływać. Gdyby powiedział to drugi instruktor, mimo, że jest przystojniejszy- nie zostałabym. Cwiczenia techniczne, też szału nie zrobiły w moim wykonaniu.   Ale na koniec owy Instruktor zawołał mnie i powiedział, żebym chodziła. Mam przychodzić na basen w poniedziałek, środę i sobotę. A ja dziś już nie mam siły. Marzę tylko, żeby zasnąć.

I'm so no life. I just have said I don't want to go to Gdańsk for party. Why? Because I'm sitting with lights off , eating yogurt with corn flakes and listening guitar paly. I'll play Christmas songs. Yeeeaaaah Jingle bels, or We wish you a marry christmas..
I was talking with Pierre yesterday. A long time. He is missing me, I'm missing him.. But its not that what it was..

I miss Pierre so much. I dreamed about him this night. I went to the German for one weekend and We sow us and we had to  meet in evening. And I was waiting for him and he didn't come. It's sad.
Ehh I've to go to University and I'll write exam. Bad mood and stomach ache ;c

I have no idea how I can motivate myself to study. I'm so lazy today. Tomorrow I've only two lessons: PE and mechanics so maybe only one. And ich habe keine Lust ;c
On thursday I've meeting on work and practice in The USA and I really want to go. So I need something or someone who can help me with english. All in all I can talk with Johannes because we talk only english but I don't want to give him a hope. It's not fair.

What are we doing tonight ? Drinking vodka with flatmates. Yeeah it's good idea. Tomorrow school and job, but for bad mood vodka is the best. Pierre don't talk with me. Again. It makes me egal. Seriously..

I have to get up on bed. Its midday I need to eat breakfest but I don't want. Tomorrow I have exam, again. And I want to go home, to my family home. Zero Internet and zero contact with other people. Rest.
Ohh I watched film and one actor looks like you Pierre. He had the same smile, and eyes. Ohh again. I'm missing you! But what? We are angry of us. I want nothing.

I had argument with Pierre. Zero conversation for a month and now fight. I don't like it. I have very bad mood. Tomorrow big exam with physics and I can nothing. I feel bad, I feel so lonely. I need rest. I need hug. I need anybody who can sit next to me and it's all. All what i need at the moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUm15jxuMvM&feature=fvwrel

Timetable for today? Green grapes and math. Tutoring in mathematics for Przemek and then more of my math. I see just numbers.

Friday evening and I'm sitting at home and learning technical mechanic. Very nice. Maybe Mom has right, maybe I should apply for a scholarship. I know I can do it so why not. I wanted to get an Erasmus and to study in Germany, for Pierre. But now it's egal for me..

I don't know what is happened. Pierre removed me from facebook friends and we argued. But he told me that he loves me and yesterday we spoke on skype. But it was very short conversation and about nothing. Unfortunately..
I learn a lot of. Mostly physic and english. I know a few words in field of the logistics and I can tell what it is xD I think it can be very intresting supply chain management or logistics network design. We will see but I think I can like it.

I love my new life. My flat is nice, my flatmates are friendly and my new friends are great! School can be ok. I want to be engineer so I must to know technical drawing, technical write and english in the field of logistics. It's disaster ^^
I didn't talk with Pierre and I know we will not talk. Natala said yesterday 'it's not painful for you'. No. It was painful and maybe still is. But I don't have to show this.

I hate it when you write to me one sentence and then don't answer. Leave me alone...

What  is wrong with you? When I think that I can let you go, suddenly you writing to me? Why? Why now? When your best friend delete me from facebook friends - yes, i don't understand it too, cause i didn't talk with him or anything.  It was your choice and then you wrote something what i can't understand. Language barrier is difficult to overcome...

My swim teacher likes me, i don't have to make up for the absence of and I can swim like I want. It's good, very good.

I like this evening. I lie with Emilia on my bed and we watched talk show, stupid 'rozmowy w toku' and funny 'kuba wojewodzki'. Drink water and eat popcorn. Nice. She asked me about you, ohh and now you're online but nobody writes. I still miss you. But it's ok. In next year we'll meet and I gonna say you that it's too late, we can be friends. It's all what I can give you. I hope it gonna be. You'll see me and you'll think 'oh it was stupid she is a really nice girl' I hope.. And I hope I gonna have enough strenght for say that.

Yesterday nice evening and today too strong coffee. I don't need watch facebook non stop. No more. I feel good.
I want to subscribe to the rescue team. More schedule - less thinking.

I miss you...

To je Niemiec! Tego nie zrozumiesz...
So what? We was writing. And I don't understand anything. You asked do I come to you or not. Then you said I should stay in Poland. And on the night you write you love me? you don't want to lose me? You want with me a future? Ohh. I don't know what I should thinking.  I miss you. I love you. I want you. Ohh and now I have big mess on my head. First you say 'i'm to young it's bad for me when I have got girlfriend in other country' and then 'i love you i want to be with you' and then you don't say anything. You're quiet. Ohhh you make me crazy!

First weekend on the study and I'm siting on the sofa with big notebook. Series with chips and cola vs mechanika techniczna. Tv watching is better ^^
Oh oh. Today I was enough strong to change pictures on the telephone. We wrote today. Hmmm wrote ^^ we sent two messages but it's progress. I don't hope.

I was on the beach first time in this year. Might I gonna love this place. But I didn't meet anybody, so lonely evening again. And I'm sure, without you on skype...

Letter 4.

Even when I read book I think about you. When my brain is in other world, I'm thinking still  about you. I want to write to you' hi schatz! alles klar? ich liebe dich!' but I'm afraid. I want to tell you how much I'm missing you. I close my eyes and I see your face, I look from window and I see us when we walked, I go out and I see shop with your name, I lean against the wall and I feel your touch. It's sick, it's love.
I don't know still what's happened and I don't want to know. I want to again see you.
I regret I didn't be longer there. I could be with you longer. I'm stupid.

Tomorrow I'll go. Oh full stress. All day I was packing my bags. It's goog I'll have the Internet :) But in other site I don't need it. We don't talk, still. nix gut.

Letter 3.

I'm thinking about you too much. I want to be with you, I miss you and I still watch our pictures.  I want to go to Gdynia. Now. I want to stop thinking.
Write to me.. please..

Oooh! I just attacked box of cookies. It's sick!

Fertig..

So we ended up. And it's really painfull because I never was angry. I was sad but not angry and now you write to me ' you have many problems'. Because what? Because I want to writing with you, I want to knowing what's up with you ?
Now it's egal. I will not write. Any contacts. I'm thinking it was cool for you when you had polands girlfriend. At the moment when your best friend broke up with my polands girlfriend you thought ' I can do it too'. So kein problem. Boring toy ist weg.
I'm feeling bad with that because you are still important for me. And what's happened? a few days ago you was writing you miss me, you love me, and now? haha.

Everything it's ok.

Fears and phobias

Preparations for moving out underway. I don't want to go out. I'm afraid. I don't know anybody and city is too big for me. Ohh I'm scared. Big mess in my head and in my room. It's terrible. I've two days and no plans.
All what I'm thinking are you. But we still don't talk. Ohh You still don't talk with me. It's sad. I'm thinking it's because Beata a Chris broke up. Ohh nvm.. I miss you and i can't stand when I see our picture every time when I turn on my computer.

Letter 2.

 Today was my first day at new school. A lot of new people and places. I'm terrified and excited...

But I can't tell you about that because you're angry of me. Yes, you have reason but I too. So? I apologized, you? didn't. But I'm missing you. I'm so angry and sad when we don't talk.  I know! You've school and work and not enough time. But i remeber when you was saying 'i love you', 'you are the best things of my life', 'I want to have future with you and two childs'. I remeber... all moments in German when you was holding my hand, kissing my lips and saying 'oh man'. It was so sweet, so lovely. I miss that. I miss you.

Letter 1.

Hi Honey!
We seldom talk so I'll write here to you. All things which a want to tell you but I don't have the courage. Yes, I've a few words which I thought but never said you.
For example how much I'm missing you. I miss your voice, your smell, your touch. And it's queer because I know you only 2 months. Even not 2.
I'm so happy when you write that you want to leave with me. I want it too. But now I've school and ehhh... I can go to you in february. I want, but we'll see...
Sometimes I think I'm only Summer Love for you. Seriously. And it's painfull. All my friends say ' ohh it;s stupid! It's too long way! He'll find a new girlfriend and you should forget!' But I don't want to forget. I want you.. You, not love for 1 day and 4 days pause. You always.