My school friend asked me what I will do if I'll fail exam. I didn't think a long time about that. I said I gonna go to the German and I'll be with Pierre. Am I stupid? I really want to be with him. When I watch his photos, when I think about him... I miss him, i want to touch him, speak with him, kiss him. I can go out with nobody because I feel I cheat Pierre. I write with someone but when he ask about meeting, I say NO. Because I'm thinking " if I'll go to Sylvia in summer, what will be when I'll meet PIerre"?. I know. I'll hug him, I'll kiss him and I hope he'll do the same.
Is it love? Maybe.
It will be bad idea, if I'll write it to him, write letter, no e-mail. It will be bad?

Vielleicht ich liebe dich. Vielleicht ich bin verrückt auf dich. Vielleicht ich weiss das..

Somebody said end of the world. Today. Bless them. But I was afraid, a little. It was good that Nickless came to me yesterday. I didn't want to be alone. And we had a nice evening. Very nice and Nickless is nice too. We played a 'go' and a guitar, watched film. And I sow that he want to hug me and kiss me. But it doesn't matter cause I didn't want. I don't feel nothing to him. And now? I'm lying alone in my bed and watching the movie. Nothing intresting.
Ohhh Pierre... get drunk and watch film in my bed, now... Pity that we don't talk again. Ohh nvm. I still say that.

I have not the strength to translate it. I'm not thinking.

Umieram, dosłownie. Wreszcie się zawzięłam, żeby zacząć kurs na ratownika WOPR i co? trochę za późno bo zmieniły się ustawy. Ale ukończę go mimo to.W każdym bądź razie rano poszłam na spotkanie dotyczące owych zmian w ustawach, następnie na basen. Rozgrzewka trwała 15 minut, nie wytrzymałam nawet do jej końca. Chciałam wyjść z wody ale Ten Słodki kazał mi dalej pływać. Gdyby powiedział to drugi instruktor, mimo, że jest przystojniejszy- nie zostałabym. Cwiczenia techniczne, też szału nie zrobiły w moim wykonaniu.   Ale na koniec owy Instruktor zawołał mnie i powiedział, żebym chodziła. Mam przychodzić na basen w poniedziałek, środę i sobotę. A ja dziś już nie mam siły. Marzę tylko, żeby zasnąć.

I'm so no life. I just have said I don't want to go to Gdańsk for party. Why? Because I'm sitting with lights off , eating yogurt with corn flakes and listening guitar paly. I'll play Christmas songs. Yeeeaaaah Jingle bels, or We wish you a marry christmas..
I was talking with Pierre yesterday. A long time. He is missing me, I'm missing him.. But its not that what it was..

I miss Pierre so much. I dreamed about him this night. I went to the German for one weekend and We sow us and we had to  meet in evening. And I was waiting for him and he didn't come. It's sad.
Ehh I've to go to University and I'll write exam. Bad mood and stomach ache ;c

I have no idea how I can motivate myself to study. I'm so lazy today. Tomorrow I've only two lessons: PE and mechanics so maybe only one. And ich habe keine Lust ;c
On thursday I've meeting on work and practice in The USA and I really want to go. So I need something or someone who can help me with english. All in all I can talk with Johannes because we talk only english but I don't want to give him a hope. It's not fair.

What are we doing tonight ? Drinking vodka with flatmates. Yeeah it's good idea. Tomorrow school and job, but for bad mood vodka is the best. Pierre don't talk with me. Again. It makes me egal. Seriously..